Friday, March 7, 2008
Daniel O'Brien's crusade against Hannah Montana, by Glenn
Pictured above: Daniel O'Brien's boner.
Daniel O'Brien, cracked blogger and editor, has been trying to breathe life into the Cracked blog by honing a Colbertesque persona. I, for one, love this development. Check out his awesome article on badass presidents.
Like Colbert, he has elected to use his power to focus on a specific cause, recruiting his O'Brien nation to help him. To date, he has had but one mission: destroy Hannah Montana.
I lent my meager talents to his cause last week. My reward was a mention in this week's blog entry, and a one way ticket to hell. If you are interested, join us in our mission to catalogue the enormity of Hannah's crimes against humanity.
Another week, another one of my 'Mabisms' makes the blog.
Here are some that didn't make the cut:
I heard that Hannah Montana once donkey punched her abortionist knowing full well that her strap-on was indifferent to any additional stimulation that her actions might provide.
The only pregnancies that Hannah Montana doesn’t prematurely terminate are those arising from her unholy unions with alpha-male dingos. Those multi-headed offspring guard the entrance to hell, not to protect us from demons as you might expect, but rather to protect the demons from Hannah Montana.
Hannah Montana was first discovered when she pulled herself out of Eva Braun’s chamber pot as a pre-term infant. These days she uses her unnatural strength to break the necks of song-birds, cuddly rabbits and small coyotes. She also waits up to an hour post-abortion to ‘bucket-stomp’ any abortionlings of hers that survive, since she values her personal freedom above all else.
Microbiologists have discovered that Hannah Montana is an enormous HIV cell, infecting everything that she touches with her positive attitude and HIV.
Another Mabism of mine made the blog this week. This time the theme was a little different. We were asked to come up with reasons why we would make good boyfriend's or girlfriends for Hannah Montana.I continued my barrage of serial abortion accusations though; I just changed the wording a little.