The Secret Lives of Canadian Newscasters, by Glenn

I have watched the news for years, and until now I have kept my mouth shut. My silence ends now. What pushed me over the edge is my wife disagreeing with me when I called a respected Canadian news anchor 'Skeletor'. I was shocked. I just assumed that it was common knowledge, something not even worth mentioning, except in passing. I was wrong. You people need to know the truth about the people who read the news.

Sandie Rinaldo, Weekend anchor, CTV National News

Now tell me she doesn't look like Skeletor. Fuck that, she IS skeletor. I'm surprised that she manages to suppress her maniacal cackling for the duration of her weekend newscasts.

Max Keeping, CTV Local News Anchor

Max Keeping looks a LOT like Bilbo Baggins. It doesn't help that he walks around town with two mitts full of ring bling. Try watching that scene where Bilbo looks like a demon for second when he goes after Frodo's ring, and then watching the Ottawa CTV news. You will never feel safe in the Max Keeping wing of the Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario (CHEO) again.