Razor's Retro Reviews: Beatles White Album side 4

Side Four

We’ve reached the end, and I’d like to say that it’s a good end, but to use cliched analogy, side 4 is to the White Album as Ringo is to the Beatles.

Revolution 1 (Lennon)

This is not the song you think it is; well, it is, but not the same version. Everyone knows the raucous distortion-filled song that makes you want to jump out and start kicking ass: that song is simply called ‘Revolution’ (notice the absence of the #1). Revoltion 1 is basically the same song, but on valium. Let me explain:

The initial version, the valium version, was suppose to be the B-side to the ‘Hey Jude’ single, but Paul, George and Ringo told John that it was too slow. It might have something to do John recording the vocals while lying on his back in the recording studio. Lennon was a bit irritated by this criticism (especially from Ringo I bet, the nerve of the guy), so he decided to make the song as ferocious as possible (possibly while imagining himself beating Ringo to death with a bong), and that’s the version most people know and love. In contrast, the slower version was renamed ‘Revolution 1’, and buried at the end of the white album. It is the Courtney Love to 'Revolution''s Kurt Cobain.

Interestingly, Lennon says ‘in’ at the end of the ‘when you talk about destruction don’t you know that you can count me out’…so I guess he was undecided at the time. Check it out at about the 0:50 mark of this clip:



Honey Pie (McCartney)

This song is not related anyway to the weird ‘Wild Honey Pie’ from side 1. It has a vaudevillian sound to it, which is par for the course in this clusterfuck of an album. Within this context (and in any other), it’s a completely forgettable song.


Savoy Truffle (Harrison)

Not to be confused with the truffle shuffle, see here:


Harrison wrote this song simply by looking at the different types of truffles on a box of chocolate he had in front of him. I don’t know if that’s genius or just plain stupid. Genius would have been waiting a decade or so and basing the song on the Goonies (above). Apparently, he wrote it as a tribute to his good pal (and future wife-stealer) Eric Clapton's addiction to chocolate. It’s a catchy tune, but once again, forgettable, which is not surprising given the innanity of the song's premise.



I’d like to say that this is the weirdest song on the album, but it isn't even close. We’ve yet to reach the limits of this album's fucked-upedness.

Cry Baby Cry (Lennon)

This was written by Lennon as a sort of nursery rhyme, albeit a really dark one. Instead of soothing the baby, he wants it to cry. Of this song, Lennon said, ‘a piece of rubbish’. That’s a little harsh, especially when it happens to be on the same side as a song that really is a piece of rubbish, but clearly it isn’t one of his best efforts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwfTYQYrDQU

You’ll be surprised to find a completely unrelated short song by McCartney tacked on at the end, which is usually known as ‘Can You Take Me Back’. People often confuse it as being the beginning of the next, ahem, song…


Revolution #9 (Lennon)

This is fucked up, pure and simple. Lennon let Yoko Ono’s ‘avant garde’ style influence him and the end result is a hodge-podge of random noises and voices. Avant Garde refers to styles that challenge the norm and are innovative and experimental.

The track begins with Lennon repeatedly saying ‘Number 9, Number 9, Number 9…’. For all you Simpson fans out there, you certainly recall their take on it when Barney was paired with a Japanese conceptual artist and they hammered out the song ‘Number 8, *barney belch*, Number 8…’ (B-Sharps episode).

When you first start listening to it, you sort of expect it to break out into a real song at any moment. But, there will come a point where you realize that it will just keep going; it is at this point that you just stop and say to yourself, ‘What the fuck is going on?’

This track has been analyzed to death, but I won’t offer a detailed analysis because it’s crap. McCartney fought hard to keep this off the album, but Lennon won in the end.

There are a few interesting facts about this song that I would like to point out:

a) The track samples ‘A Day in the Life’ at some point, and it’s probably the first known use of the ‘sampling’ technique, which has been used over and over again by the rap world. Man, is there anything in music that the Beatles didn’t try first? The implication: the Beatles are to blame for P diddy and Vanilla Ice. Somebody had to say it.

b) Vincent Bugliosi, the attorney who successfully prosecuted Charles Manson, theorized that Manson believed that the song made reference to ‘Revelations 9’ of the Bible, which speaks of Armeggedon and the battle to end all battles. I find that verse #4 backs up this theory pretty well: They were told that they should not hurt the grass of the earth, neither any green thing, neither any tree, but only those people who don't have God's seal on their foreheads.





Ummm…probably not the right symbol…

Here’s the ‘song’:

Good Night (Lennon)

And so we’ve reached the end, with a song appropriately titled, ‘Good Night’. Actually, considering how this album has been, it seems a rather inappropriate end to this album. Although written by John Lennon, it is sung by Ringo Starr and backed up by a 26-piece orchestra. How nice of John to throw Ringo a bone. It was written by John as a lullaby for his son Julien and it has the desired effect of putting you to sleep, which is probably a good thing following Revolution #9. THAT shit will keep you awake at night.

Here’s a Ringo Starr tribute accompanied by the song:
And there you have it, side 4 of the Beatles’ White Album, a less than glamorous way to end an all together fantastic album.

Razor's Retro Reviews: Beatles White Album (Side 3)

1. Birthday (McCartney)

Another McCartney creation, could this song be any catchier? No, it cannot.

Among other things, it allows the Beatles to re-visit their roots, churning out a shallow pop song that means absolutely nothing. I’ll tell you this: it sure as hell beats the original ‘Happy Birthday’ song…man that song sucks. Well, the Marilyn Monroe version is ok.

Happy Birthday, Mr. President.

At any rate, it’s a great way to kick-off side 3 of the album or, as any radio DJ will tell you, a list of celebrity birthday announcements. Further, it is definitely a nice change of pace from the infinitely more lugubrious side 2.

Oddly, the Beatles’ wives/mistresses sing back-up on this one, proving once again that behind every great man is a stubborn harpy that won't mind her own business.

Here’s the mandatory clip:



Well, it is more 'words scrolling up the screen' than a clip really.

2. Yer Blues (Lennon)

Now it’s Lennon's turn to show off his blues chops, and yeah, his chops are better than McCartney's. He makes up for his lacklustre performance on side 2 with this return to form.

Actually, you know all that stuff I said about side 3 being lighter material? I lied. The first words of the second song:

I’m lonely/ I want to die

Careful what you wish for John.

Seriously, this song kicks ass. I love the reference to Bob Dylan’s ‘Ballad of a Thin Man’ with the lyrics,

I feel so suicidal/ Just like dear Mr. Jones

I found this awesome clip from a movie the Rolling Stones did called ‘The Rolling Stones Rock and Roll Circus’ where Lennon sings this song with Eric Clapton and Keith Richards. Don’t feel obligated to watch the awkward exchange between Lennon and Jagger at the start, just do it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ed-6jPfi500
*Editors Note: Some bitchy company asked that the embedding of the clip be disabled.

3. Mother Nature’s Son (McCartney)

Alright, so far on this album, we have an upbeat pop song followed by a suicidal blues number, so of course, you need to follow that up with…a folk ballad? Sure, let’s go with that. This is a very simple song that Paul wrote and performed without the other Beatles.

It’s a good song, but completely forgettable.



4. Every Body’s Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey (Lennon)

This is the longest title in the Beatles catalogue, and it continues the ‘what the hell is going on?’ trend that side 3 seems to be establishing. It’s great though, I love jumping from one genre to the next on an album, I’ve never seen it done like this before, each song is just so much very different than the last.

This would be lumped under ‘Hard Rock’ and its Lennon’s way of telling the world that his affair with Yoko Ono isn’t the big secret everybody made it out to be. In that case, you’d probably assume that the monkey in the title is Yoko Ono. Does this make sense? It does to me. Have you seen what the woman looks like?



See. I told you. Yoko is the monkey. In reality, no one really knows where Lennon came up with the ‘and my Monkey’ part of the title (the rest of the title is attributed to the Maharishi), so you might as well believe me.

If you ever find yourself on trial for something, I’d recommend shouting 'and my monkey' at the top of your lungs. The judge will be moved, he really will…oh, and it’s a great song, very energetic.

Here’s an awesome clip:




5. Sexy Sadie (Lennon)

Two Lennon songs in a row? Excellent. This is a good one, a scathing critique of his beloved Indian Guru, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. I’ve mentioned the Maharishi many times to this point, and assumed that everyone knew who he was (still is). For you ignorant swine out there, he’s basically a meditation guru and is known largely for developping the transcendental technique.

I’ve never tried it, but I’d like to think that it looks like this:



Relations between the Beatles and the Maharishi broke off after Lennon ‘allegedly’ caught the Maharishi making a pass on a female member of his entourage. I’d like to emphasize the word ‘allegedly’ because the Beatles renamed the song from ‘Maharishi’ for fear of being sued by him. Not only can this guy transcend several levels of consciousness, he also has an in-depth knowledge of international law. Anyways, this pissed off John which drove him to write this song in order to call out the Maharishi on his ‘alleged’ hypocrisy.

Thus, I reveal to you that John Lennon was a huge cock block, because really, who fucking cares? So the Maharishi is human. Douches don't belong on pedestals John, you do.

Here’s a good clip for the song, the guy with the funky beard is Maharishi:




6. Helter Skelter (McCartney)

This song has been called many things: revolutionary, apocalyptic, raucous and fierce, just to name a few. Helter Skelter is often credited as being the first ever ‘Heavy Metal’ song.

It’s pretty tame by today’s standards, but back in 1969, this was very heavy shit. McCartney, once again, wanted to prove to everyone that he didn’t only write ballads…point well taken.

This is a fucking awesome song, but I don’t understand McCartney’s inspiration for it. To find out, I thought I'd start by figuring out what the fuck Helter Skelter means.

The first three lines of the song describe it well:

When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide
Where I stop and
I turn and I go for a ride
Till I get to the bottom and I see you again.

That’s right, it’s a fucking amusement park slide, and it looks like this:


OK, now we know what it means, who wants to volunteer to tell Charles Manson? Anyone? This was the key song that Mr. Manson mis-interpreted as a calling for everyone to prepare for the Armaggedon. Close but no cigar…

The song ends with Ringo yelling ‘I’ve got blisters on my fingers!’ at the top of his lungs, probably the single greatest contribution by Ringo Starr. If you’re a fan of ‘Family Guy’, then you certainly recall Stewie Griffin shouting the same after strumming his banjo.




Here’s a fan vid with random images accompanying the song:




Here’s a slowed down version of Helter Skelter with Charles Mason’s voice dubbed over (saying the actual lyrics); it’s more than a little creepy:




7. Long Long Long (Harrison)

This calm and serene Harrison ballad perfectly juxtaposes the madness that was Helter Skelter.

Didn't I tell ya man? That Spears bitch is crazy.

It is the last song on this side and provides the perfect denoument to an album side that just about takes you everywhere.

As a stand alone song, it’s not very special, but it’s nice and relaxing. Harrison did a good job here, certainly better than what he gave us on side 2.

FYI: The strange rattling at the end of the song is the sound of a wine bottle rattling on top of a speaker. The bottle would rattle if Paul hit a certain note on his organ and the band liked the effect. What's that? You want a source for that little tidbit? Go fuck yourself, Martha.

Here’s a nice Harrison tribute:




Final Thoughts
And that’s the end of side 3, a very unusual album side with respect to the flow of the music, but there were no absolutely strange songs to compare with those on the first two sides, or even on side 4, which I will review later. Overall, I’d consider this to be as strong as side 1, if not stronger. As for side 4…yikes…

Razor's Retro Reviews: The Beatles' White Album (Side 2)

Side Two

It is a little known fact that Ringo referred to his wang as the "fifth" Beatle.

1. Martha My Dear (McCartney)

Like side one, side two begins with a McCartney song, which was a solo effort, without the influence of any of the other Beatles. It’s a lovely song without much substance, which McCartney has been known to effortlessly churn out.

According to AllMusic.com, ‘Paul McCartney, the primary author of the White Album's "Martha My Dear," has been both lauded and reviled for his ability to toss off impeccably crafted pop songs about trivial subjects, transcending their somewhat superficial lyrical agendas through sheer melodic strength and ingenious arrangements. "Martha My Dear" is one of the more frequently cited examples of those qualities.’

What they said.

It’s a good song but easily overshadowed by many of the other songs on the album.

Here’s a funny little video I found featuring ‘Martha My Dear’: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBClAZmLsWY

2. I’m So Tired (Lennon)

Lennon wrote this song at 3 in the morning so it’s a fitting title. It also expressed the boredom and restlessness he felt in his life at the time. Lennon pleads over and over again ‘I’ll give you everything I’ve got for a little piece of mind’. The song starts off with a pretty slow tempo but picks up to deliver a pretty damn good song. It’s also one of the more ‘normal’ songs on the album, especially for Lennon.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoZG3lk4JWI

3. Blackbird (McCartney)

Finally, McCartney starts pulling his weight with this wonderful acoustic song, the beauty of which lies in its simplicity. As for the lyrics, they’re a metaphor used by McCartney to show his support for the black civil rights movements of the world.

"That Britney Spears bitch is crazy."

Unfortunately, that’s not how Charles Manson interpreted the song, as he thought the song predicted the uprising of the black people that would give rise to Armageddon. This is one of three songs on this album that Charles Manson cited as his justification for the murders committed in his name.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkejcsvdpuQ


4. Piggies (Harrison)

This song gives one the impression that Harrison put all his efforts into ‘While My Guitar…’ and was wiped out when it came to contributing more material for the album. The song works as social commentary about class and corporate greed but it just sounds childish. It’s very difficult to take this song seriously and is therefore one of the weaker moments on the album.

I hate to bash Harrison, but he leaves me no choice here. Charles Manson, on the other hand, took this song too seriously as he interpreted the line ‘What they need's a damn good whacking’ as a call to arms against the police…this is the second of the three songs that influenced Mr. Manson

Here’s a cute little montage: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LC7Q0dv_SOg

5. Rocky Raccoon (McCartney)

While ‘Back in the USSR’ took a shot at the Beach Boys, ‘Rocky Raccoon’ takes a shot at Bob Dylan, basically saying, ‘I can do what you do, I just choose not to’. Two in a row for McCartney, as this song is fun as hell. I particularly enjoy the use of the old school saloon piano. This song tells the story of a loser who loses his woman to another man, and challenges his rival to a gunfight, with bad consequences. It sounds like a serious song, but it isn’t, it’s very light-hearted.

Check out this video, it’s ‘Rocky Raccoon’ acted out by Warcraft characters, it’s well done: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKofpYFka6Y

6. Don’t Pass Me By (Starr)

This was Ringo’s only contribution on the album…poor Ringo, he tries so hard. It’s an OK song, but clearly doesn’t live up to the rest of the album. It’s catchy, and to be honest, this is the only one of their albums where this song would fit. Fun Fact: This song was, inexplicably, a huge hit in Sweden where it hit #1 on their pop charts…crazy Swedes, you just don’t know what they’ll do next.

Two out of four Swedish twins agree: Ringo is sexy, ja!

Here’s a video of the song playing over that train cartoon show where Ringo played the conductor: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9JDnOA_5Hs

7. Why Don’t We Do It in the Road? (McCartney)

McCartney is at it again with his weird shit. This song is under 2 minutes and simply repeats the title over and over again, but it’s also probably the bluesiest thing McCartney’s ever done. Really, McCartney does the blues, and he’s very good at it.

Once again, it’s probably his way of saying, ‘I can do this if I want, I choose not to’.He wrote this song when he saw two monkees go at it in the middle of a road in India and loved the simplicity of it.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VT1F-XiX1I8

Christ Linda, I'm a rock star not a chew toy.

8. I Will (McCartney)

McCartney follows up his song about crazy monkey love with a type of song that’s more his type. ‘I Will’ is a sweet and simple ballad that he wrote for his wife Linda. It’s a nice song that nicely contrasts the blues of the previous song. This one also falls under two minutes, and although it does seem simple, it took 68 takes to get it right.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6HIzlO4H00k

9. Julia (Lennon)

Side two comes to an end with a Lennon ballad that he wrote about his mother, Julia Lennon. This is the only Beatles song that Lennon plays and sings unaccompanied by the other Beatles (McCartney on the other hand did it several times). It’s a nice slow song, but nothing special. I personally find it a little whinny and a poor choice to cap off side two of the album.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZMBs0wkshc

Overall, side two was a hit and miss side. It’s not as good as side one, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not better than anything else out there, especially that rap crap the kids listen to. McCartney is the superstar on this side of the album while Lennon disappoints a bit by offering up only a few tepid ballads. Harrison and Starr’s contributions are also forgettable.

Razor's Retro Reviews: The Beatles' White Album (Side 1)

The Beatles White Album, recorded in 1968, was the anti-Sergeant Pepper. While Sergeant Pepper is a unified concept album with each song running seemlessly into the next, the White Album is a clusterfuck of mis-matched songs that have no business following one another on any album.

Does it matter? No, the album still works; it shouldn’t work, but it really does. I guess that’s just a testament to how good the Beatles were. Each Beatle began to find his own niche at this point in their careers, which accounts for the dis-jointedness of the Album.

Liverpool is full of white supremacist bastards.

Here's Side ONE

1. Back in the USSR (McCartney)

McCartney wrote this as a tribute/jab at the Beach Boys’ California sound. Paul wanted to write a song that had a Soviet Union sound and this is what came of his intentions. It’s actually one of the catchiest tunes on the album and it’s very easy to get into.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhRu9yzlTRI

2. Dear Prudence (Lennon)

This is my favorite song on the album and one of Lennon’s best ballads. It is just pretty, there’s no other word for it. It was written about a woman Lennon met in India, who was actually Mia Farrow’s sister. You know, Mia Farrow, the woman Woody Allen cheated on with one of their adopted children? I shouldn’t be mentioning this when reviewing such a great song.

In this video, you get to see awesome footage of the Beatles in India. I’m sure Prudence makes an appearance, but I couldn’t tell you who she is.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5b2tbIr1e8

3. Glass Onion (Lennon)

Glass Onion was written as a bit of a ‘fuck you’ from Lennon to the obsessive Beatles fan who read too much into the Beatles music, the most famous line being ‘Here’s another clue/The Walrus is Paul’. Of course, the same obsessive fans took that as another sign that Paul was dead (note: there used to be a conspiracy theory that Paul was dead and that the remaining Beatles planted clues about his death in Beatles songs).The song itself is good, but nothing spectacular. It’s a very tongue-in-cheek song and Lennon called it a ‘throw-away’ song, but it was good enough to make the album.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r64BNYvSxmQ

4. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da (McCartney)

The ‘popiness' of this song leaves no doubt that this is McCartney's. What does ‘Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da’ mean? Life goes on. Simple enough

It’s one of the bands most popular songs and one that pays tribute to reggae music, which started to be popular in England in the late 1960’s, largely due to the increased influx of Jamaican immigrants to the country. The song tells the story of two characters, Desmond and Molly, who meet, fall in love and spend the rest of their lives together. How about giving your characters a little obstacle to overcome there McCartney? Too much substance can be dangerous.

Trivia time: Paul actually fucked up during the recording of this song. During the second part of the song, Paul sings about how Desmond works in a market place, and Molly sings in a band. This section is repeated in the final act, but with the roles of Desmond and Molly accidentally reversed. According to Paul, they were so sick of recording this song that they just left it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mep92KIDbOg

5. Wild Honey Pie (McCartney)

This is where shit starts to get weird. McCartney was in an ‘experimental’ mood, so he wrote this little one-minute number where he just yells ‘Honey Pie’ with a Native American-influenced sound in the background.

And when I say ‘wrote’, I mean…I don’t know what I mean. This wasn’t supposed to make the album, but Patti Boyd (Harrison’s wife) loved it so much, that it stayed. Patti Boyd, for all who don’t know, was the subject of Harrison’s song ‘Something’ and Clapton’s ‘Layla’ and ‘Wonderful Tonight’.

Was she really that hot? You decide:

Rare photo of Patti without her oat bag.

Pst...Eric. I think I see George, and he's got a gun.

Here’s the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14Z-7yvuJR8

6. The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill (Lennon)

This is a fun and crazy song, and it’s also an historical song. This is the only song in the Beatles catalogue that has a female solo part, as sung by, you guessed it, Yoko Ono. This Lennon tune was influenced, once again, by his time in India, where one of his fellow followers of the Maharishi would leave the commune to go hunting, and once killed a tiger.

John, who obviously didn't approve of killing God's creatures, relates this incident through this very sarcastic and spiteful retelling, juxtaposed with a very upbeat tempo. Lennon did a good job, considering that storytelling in music was usually known as Paul’s strong point.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01XaQ1rY8uM

7. While My Guitar Gently Weeps (Harrison)

This is George’s first contribution to the album, and probably his finest ever for any album. The story goes that Harrison wanted to write a song about the first words he read by randomly opening a book, and those words were ‘gently weeps’. The other Beatles weren’t sold on the song until Harrison brought in one of his best friends, Eric Clapton, aka God, to play the lead guitar on the song and that just changed everything.

Check out this footage from the concert for Bangladesh in 1971:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7qpfGVUd8c

8. Happiness is a Warm Gun (Lennon)

This is the last song on side one of the album, and it’s absolutely brilliant. I think that Lennon combined 5 songs in one for this number because it comes off as a medley, but it’s all one wonderful song. This is the type of song that probably heavily influenced bands like Radiohead. When I first heard it I thought it was a play on words, ‘A penis is a warm gun’, but I’ve never found anything that could substantiate that, so I’m basically full of shit. This song is often attributed the meaning of being about heroine addictions, but Lennon always denied this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itfms556DgE&feature=related

Taken as a whole, this is the strongest side of the album, despite the fact that none of the songs really seem to mesh. It produced the greatest Harrison song ever and two of Lennon’s strongest contributions to the Beatles. McCartney’s contributions were a bit weak here, with ‘Back in the USSR’ being his best on this album side. We also only start to scratch the surface of how weird this album is going to get with songs like ‘Wild Honey Pie’. Stay tuned for more…